What makes someone want to be married for 26 years?
And happily married? Not stupid, fake, oblivious happy. Actual real marriage that, even though it’s ugly sometimes, you’re still glad that you decided to marry this person, 26 years later?
Well, I haven’t made it that far yet, but my parents have. And as their daughter, I’m going to make wild assumptions as to how they’ve made it work.
Here are my takeaways……
Get a couple of marriages out of the way before marrying THE ONE. Better odds that way.
If you marry someone with teenagers, don’t murder the teenagers, no matter how much liquor of yours they steal.
If you want some alone time, simply grope each other in the kitchen and all the children will disappear.
Encourage hobbies. My dad’s hobby is hunting, and my mom’s hobby is encouraging the hunting to get him the fuck out of the house.
Instead of nagging your spouse to get something done, just start doing it yourself. They will instantly be motivated and take over.
Learn how to keep your independence within the relationship, even if that’s just for an hour while hiding in the bathtub or barn .
Build your lover lots of beautiful, giant, heavy furniture. Not only will they get a boner for your skill, but they physically won’t be able to leave you due to the 9,000 pound Butler’s Chest blocking the exit.
Sometimes you just have to pretend to enjoy something that you really don’t, but it’s easier to keep the peace. Like disgusting sausage making in the kitchen (not a sexual innuendo). Or your hypochondriac Mother-in-law.
Keep grabbing each other’s ass, crotch, nipple, whatever looks appealing at the time. No matter how uncomfortable it makes those around you.
Give each other cute nicknames, especially if they reference weird body noises.
I could go on, because these 2 showed me in a million different ways what real marriage looks like. They’re adorable and real and loving and ridiculous. They’ve been through some real shit but never ran away from each other. And now, as they celebrate 26 years of marriage, they still hold hands and give each other shit and take adorable selfies together.
Happy Anniversary, you crazy kids.